Guest Blog: The Fiancé Equals the Spouse

     February is the month of LOVE, and nothing screams LOVE more than a wedding! But before you have the big glamorous wedding that you've always dreamed of, you need to have the partner that you've always dreamed of. This is a very important part! If you skip this, and settle for just anyone, you'll be planning the divorce that you've NEVER dreamed of. So how can you tell if you've got the right person? Well, my friend Desiree Mondesir takes a fun approach to finding out your bride's or groom's true colors. She compares wedding planning styles with whether you'll be a good spouse or not. Trust me, she knows weddings! By the way, if you're a Virgin Bride or Abstinent Bride, email me at because I want to help you have the most blissful wedding night and 1st year of married sex possible! I was a Virgin Bride, too, so I have LOTS to tell you. *wink, wink*

“The Fiancé Equals the Spouse” 

If you know anything about me, you know that I am absolutely, 100% obsessed with weddings! I can blog about them, talk about them, and watch shows about them for hours and hours on end.

On one particular day, I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress” and this particular bride was a manipulative, catty piece of work. It was one of those episodes where they had the disclaimer that the bride who purchased her Kleinfeld dress did not get married. Wow. That sucks for her! And yet I was so happy for the guy! However the breakup happened, I’m pretty sure that he was able to leave her and find someone who was actually considerate of him, his feelings, his budget, etc. And that’s when it hit me:

The type of bride/groom you are is the type of wife/husband you will be.

Now I’m not married (yet!), but I know a thing or two about weddings. From studying other people’s weddings, interacting with other industry professionals, and from my own “almost” fiancée experiences, I’ve learned that what happens during the wedding planning stage is an extremely accurate forecast of what the marriage will look like.

Going It Alone
I once had an “almost fiancé” who—if I may be frank—baited me into a relationship with visions of a London wedding and Greek honeymoon. I was emotionally drained, depressed, and fell for it hook, line, and sinker. In Tulsa, OK they have an annual Wedding Expo every summer and I was thrilled to be able to attend. Yet this almost fiancé of mine had no intention of actually attending the event with me. He merely dropped me off and let me tackle it by myself. After all, I’m the wedding guru right? A girlfriend of mine was supposed to meet me, but never made it. And there in that beautiful Renaissance Hotel banquet room, I felt so unbelievably alone.

I thought it wouldn’t be a problem since, again, I’m totally obsessed with weddings. But when I was meeting with the vendors with no engagement ring, no moral support, and an elusive wedding date, I realized that nobody really wants to go it alone. Even if my boyfriend wasn’t interested in the details of wedding planning, he could have at least offered to attend to show that he cared and was concerned about the process. But I guess since he really didn’t care about me, the wedding was obviously not on his list of priorities. He turned out to be a total “dud” to put it sweetly and married my best friend, but the concept of the indifferent fiancé is a universal concept.

So many men out there let their brides-to-be plan all of the details and make no effort beyond choosing 1) what they want to wear, 2) where the honeymoon is, and 3) what checks to write. It’s an extremely lonely, frustrating time for the bride and is a huge indicator that you and your groom don’t have a very cooperative relationship.

Manipulative Marthas

You know who she is. She’s the bride who knows the wedding budget, but badgers her fiancé into paying more than is fiscally responsible. She probably manipulated him to get the ring, is manipulating him in the wedding planning process, and is likely manipulating her bridal attendants. (Those poor girls!) She’ll whine, cry, scream, if she’s not abstinent—withhold sex, maintain a selective memory, and do everything necessary to get exactly what she thinks she wants. And guess what?? Chances are, she is NOT ready to get married!

When it comes to love, engagement, and marriage, things should happen organically; they shouldn’t be forced. Manipulative Martha thinks all that organic stuff is crap. Hopefully, she’s able to see the error of her ways, change, or that the wedding will be pushed back or even cancelled to save her from herself. It’s not that we don’t want Manipulative Martha to get married, we just don’t want to her to ruin anyone else’s life as she’s undoubtedly bound to do without divine intervention!

Reading the Signs

Here are some more signs (in no particular order) that you’re in for a doozy if something in your relationship doesn’t change.

Some Signals Your Bride/Groom Isn’t Marriage Material:

  • You’re bride/groom is secretive.
  • You’re bride/groom is secretive about their relationship with you.
  • You’re bride/groom talks about people behind their back.
  • You’re bride/groom is lazy.
  • You’re bride/groom has 15 different babies by 12 different baby mamas/daddies.
  • You’re bride/groom and you don’t even attempt to see money in the same light.
  • You’re bride/groom and you don’t share the same core values.
  • You’re bride/groom isn’t fully committed to you or your relationship.
  • You’re bride/groom hasn’t defined your relationship to your satisfaction.
  • You have a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach that won’t go away.
What Now??
I’m not telling you to necessarily break-up with your fiancé and call off the wedding. That’s drastic. What I am saying is that it’s time for 1) a real honest look within and then 2) a true heart-to-heart with your intended. If you are convinced that it’s time to break it off, then do so intelligently. You will be blessed for making the right decision in the right way. And if you discover that there are some things you two need to revisit, reexamine, or totally eradicate NOW is the time to do it. NOW is the time to make the change that will make, not only your wedding planning run smoothly, but will cause you to start your marriage off on the right foot.

If you go forward with a trouble-bound marriage simply to save face you will regret it. If you take the time to make the hard decisions NOW, you can do the fun stuff and live a great life later. Whatever you do, don’t find yourself saying “I shoulda, coulda, woulda” because you wanted a pretty wedding NOW.

About the Author

Desiree M. Mondesir is the author of DA Weddings Blog “a place for fantastical wedding inspirations” as well as Godly Government and Faith and the Imagination. She is also the CEO of Desired Assistance, a virtual writing and editing company founded in 2010 which is the “parent company” of DA Weddings. Desiree loves inspiring others through her wedding themes as well as her words. If you would like to connect with her, you can subscribe to her websites DA Weddings and; like her, her DA Weddings, and Desired Assistance on Facebook; as well as follow her on Twitter @DesireeMondesir; SoundCloud; Pinterest; and Tumblr. You’re also welcome to join in her weekly #GodlyGovernment Twitter Chat on Tuesdays at 8pm, EST.

**If you're a Christian single or in a Christian dating relationship, striving for abstinence until marriage, please sign up for my email list. Only 4% of adults are abstinent. That means that you probably won't make it! You have to do something more than just going to church every Sunday to make it to the altar a virgin or abstinent. I made it, and I want to help you!**

**If you're part of a Christian couple practicing abstinence, and starting to plan your Christian wedding, sign up for my email list. I know you're looking for premarital counseling, but don't forget about guidance for your wedding night and married sex life. I'm sure as a Virgin Bride or Abstinent Bride you're nervous about your wedding night. I can give you the information you need to have the most blissful wedding night and transition into married sex possible.**

**If you're a mom and want help making sure your teenager continues practicing abstinence until marriage, sign up for my email list.**

If you’re a Christian couple practicing abstinence until your wedding night you’ve come to the right place. When it’s time to prepare for your Christian wedding and you look for premarital counseling, don’t forget to look for guidance and advice for your wedding night and transition into married sex. A Christian couple who practices abstinence until their wedding night is doing a great thing. And when the time comes for their Christian wedding, most look for premarital counseling, but forget about help for their wedding night and transition into married sex. So if you’re a Christian couple practicing abstinence until your wedding night, keep this in mind. When you get engaged and prepare for your Christian wedding, it’s very important to look for premarital counseling, as well as, help for your wedding night and transition into married sex. So remember! A Christian couple practicing abstinence until their wedding night has a lot to consider once they start planning their Christian wedding. Not only do they have to find premarital counseling, they have to find advice and guidance for their wedding night and their transition into married sex.


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